


I'm Floating in a Most Peculiar Way

by arrowsshootyouforwards



Series: Raising Tilly [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: AU, Do Not Repost to Other Sites, Paul is Tilly's Father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 10:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowsshootyouforwards/pseuds/arrowsshootyouforwards
Summary: Set one year after the events of Though I've Passed One Hundred Thousand Miles. While working in Engineering the ship is pulled from Warp by a Nebula. This has an interesting reaction in Tilly, as it turns her in a 5-year-old child with all of her memories still in tact.





	I'm Floating in a Most Peculiar Way

It all happened so quickly, there was nothing anyone could do. A problem at Warp forced them to suddenly drop out of the stream, resulting in half the crew being sent sprawling over the floor in a less than dignified manner. “Stamets to Bridge, what happened?” Paul asked, dishevelled, through the COMM system.

“ _We’re caught in a nebula, it’s pulled us from Warp, it’s frozen our controls_ ,” the frustrated reply came.

“Is everyone OK?” Stamets asked, walking around to check on his Engineers. He froze, doing a mental tally, “Tilly,” he whispered. “Where’s Tilly?” Sprinting over to the console his daughter had been working at he skidded to a stop on his knees behind it. “Tilly?” He asked seeing a crumpled pile on the floor. Shakily reaching out a hand, he placed it where her shoulder should have been. He found a shoulder, but not something that should have belonged to his adult daughter. This shoulder was small, fragile, the shoulder of a child. “Tilly?” Going against his instincts he turned her over, masses of fiery red hair tumbled, falling around the small, pale face like a halo. When she wouldn’t wake Paul lifted the small child into his arms and rushed her to Sick-Bay, the noise and chaos of Discovery dissolving into the background as panic began to set in.

Sick-Bay was chaotic, there were injured crew-members in every bed and chair, waiting to be treated. Paul laid eyes on Hugh, his husband and raced over. “Hugh, it’s Tilly, this thing it’s-”

“Oh my God. Nurse show him to a booth, quickly, hook her up, I’ll send someone in.”

“Can’t you?” Paul looked pleadingly.

“It’s policy, don’t worry, Tracy is a first-class Dr,” he pecked his husband on the lips, taking Tilly from him to pass off to a passing nurse answering his orders. Paul followed into a room where the nurse hooked Tilly up to the Bio-bed, her heartbeat was steady, he thanked the stars. Dr Pollard came in and began taking readings, checking her reactions. Paul stayed back, not wanting to interfere.

“When did this happen?”

“When we were pulled into the nebula,” Paul answered. “I was checking the engineers in my sector and found her like that. Out cold.” Tilly’s face screwed up and she let out a groan of discomfort. He raced forward asking: “Tilly?” Tracy held up a hand.

“Mm, my head,” she groaned in a higher voice than usual.

“Tilly, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“I was in engineering, we were at Warp then it went black, I don’t feel good,” a bowl was pushed under her chin before she was sick, Paul rushed forward to pull her long hair back.

“She may have a concussion, Tilly, do you know who this is?”

Tilly looked up at Stamets, “yeah, he’s my dad,” she said, Paul sighed, relieved. She was also able to answer the star-date and some other simple questions.

“Tilly, how old are you?”

Tilly thought hard before answering, “5” the Dr typed something on her PADD, brow furrowed in confusion. Paul was also confused, she had all her memories, but somehow thought she was just 5 years of age.

Dr Pollard spoke to Paul again, “there’s no sign of concussion, and her memory is good, she recognises you but not her age. I want to keep her in for observations and run some tests and scans,” Paul nodded his permission as it seemed Tilly was now below the age to consent herself.

Pike assured Paul that Tilly could stay on Discovery and her job would be waiting for her, no matter how long it took her to return to her normal state. He did, however, decide that Tilly should no longer room with Michael, she would be better off with him and Hugh and so allocated them a family quarters, similarly set up to their own, with a second bedroom for Tilly.

Assured that Tilly would remain under while the scans ran, Paul left Sick-bay with Hugh to begin moving their things. Michael had volunteered to pack Tilly’s personal items, leaving the rest in their shared quarters, awaiting her return. She took the main box to Hugh who was unpacking and took something she had found to Paul in Tilly’s Sick-Bay room. Tilly was awake, and Paul was perched on the edge of her bed telling her about her new room. “Hi Michael,” Tilly’s young voice sounded warmly.

“Hi Tilly, I just took some of your things to your new room, but I thought you might want this here with you,” from behind her back Michael produced an old stuffed animal. A dog, with floppy ears. “I ran him through the decontamination process, so there’s no dust on him.”

“Bowie!” Tilly gasped, excited to see her oldest friend. Clambering down the bio-bed away from her father she knelt as Michael handed him over, hugging the dog. “I missed you,” Tilly said, “thank you Michael,” she added, remembering her manners.

“You’re welcome Tilly, Commander,” nodding at Stamets Michael excused herself to go to her shift on the Bridge.

“Daddy look,” Tilly returned to attention to her father, “Michael brought me Bowie,” she held him out for Paul to take. “I named him after the man who sang my favourite song,” she declared. He held the animal delicately and introduced himself, making Tilly laugh as he interacted with the toy. The incident seemed to have affected parts of her memory also, sometimes she referred to him as ‘dad’ as she normally would, but other times ‘daddy.’ He and Dr Pollard had come to realise which state of mind she was in by which title she called him. ‘Dad’ had only slipped through a couple of times; her mind was now keeping her as young as her body appeared. “Daddy?” Tilly asked a while later, Bowie cuddled in her arms.

“Yes Tilly?”

“When am I allowed to leave Sick-Bay? I’ve been here forever and I wanna see my new room and I don’t wanna be bored anymore.”

“Soon sweetie, I promise,” Paul brushed his fingers through Tilly’s hair, “I know it’s not been easy this past week, staying in here, but as soon as Dr Pollard gives the word, we can leave.”

“I thought my ears were burning,” Dr Pollard chose that moment to enter the room. “To answer your question Tilly, your tests are holding steady, meaning I’m happy for you to go with your father, but if you start feeling weird or sick, you have to tell someone right away. Do we have a deal?”

“Deal,” Tilly agreed, thrilled to be able to leave.

Paul let Tilly change out of her pjs before they walked through the ship. The clothes were bright and loud colours with cartoon animals on her shirt. It wasn’t something Paul would have picked but Tilly had chosen them herself. Given there was no knowing how long she could be 5 years of age, Tilly had been allowed to choose clothes and toys to be created for her to use. He showed her the way to their new quarters while she pointed everything out to him, showing she remembered what everything was, but most importantly she insisted she was telling Bowie, so he wouldn’t get lost.

Hugh wasn’t there when they returned, he was attending his counselling session. Paul left her to explore her new room with Bowie while he checked his PADD for developments or messages he’d missed. Not knowing what else to do in their quarters he knocked on Tilly’s open door. “Hey kiddo, wanna come see the spore drive?” Eagerly, Tilly nodded, putting away her colours and picking up Bowie. “You remember the way?” He asked, and she nodded, walking ahead and showing her stuffed animal.

Paul let them into the room, holding her hand down the steps. The ship had been informed of Tilly’s condition, so nobody made a fuss. “You can look around but don’t touch anything,” he told her, moving over to a station to run some checks he couldn’t do remotely. Tilly walked around, looking at everything intently, trying to remember how any of it worked. She watched the Cultivation Bay through the peep-hole and tried to read what some of the engineers had on their panels. Unable to make heads or tails of what the readings meant she moved on in her exploration, suddenly coming to a stop. Frozen in place, Tilly stared at the console she had been working at the day of her accident. Unnoticed by her father Tilly hesitantly walked towards it, holding Bowie tightly to her front. She stopped, staring at the spot she’d been standing in. The harder she tried to remember what happened, the more her head began to hurt, and her chest felt tight. She couldn’t breathe, and she felt dizzy. “Tilly,” she heard her father’s voice distantly. Paul positioned himself between Tilly and where she was looking. “Tilly, sweetie I need you to look at me, don’t look at the floor, look at me honey, you’re having a panic attack, we can stop it together, alright?” Tilly nodded frantically, tears streaming over her cheeks.

“I don’t feel good, my head hurts,” she sobbed.

“I know, just listen to my voice OK? Now I want you to tell me five things you can see?” Tilly nodded and began. Paul kept count with his fingers, for her to see.

“I see you, Bowie, the spore drive, engineers and my hair.”

“Good girl, four things you can touch?”

“Bowie’s fur, your insignia,” she reached out to touch the engineering insignia on his uniform, “the console and the floor,” she touched each thing she mentioned.

“Fantastic, three things you can hear?”

“Your voice, Discovery’s engines, people’s footsteps.”

“Brilliant, two things you can smell?”

“Your man spray and hot wires.” He smiled.

“One thing you can taste?”

“My tears,” she said, her breathing gradually slowed as they talked.

“Good girl, you’re very brave right now,” slowly he lifted his thumb to wipe away her tears “and I’m very proud of you. Head still hurt?” Tilly let out a whimper and a nod. “Would you like to walk to Sick-Bay or would you like a lift?” Silently Tilly held up her arms to be carried. Paul smiled softly as he stood and lifted her into his arms.

In Sick-Bay Dr Pollard ran some scans on Tilly before concluding she was fine. “It’s a natural response. She can’t remember what happened and it scares her. She’s been through plenty enough to give grown adults nightmares. Things most people wouldn’t dream of explaining to a child her age. Do you think she would consider counselling? It could help having someone to talk to from outside her ordeal.” Paul glanced at his daughter, sitting on the bio-bed.

“I think that’s a good idea. And the pain?”

“Most-likely when she tried accessing the blocked memories. I’ll discharge her, but don’t be afraid to bring her back again.”

“Thank you,” Paul returned to Tilly, “hey kiddo, let’s go get dinner.” Returning to their quarters Paul ordered sandwiches and snacks from the replicator and sat across from Tilly.

“What’s wrong?” Tilly asked.

“Why do you think something’s wrong?”

“Because you’re being quiet. And not you quiet. It’s that weird quiet you do when something is worrying you. Like when you told me you were my dad.” Paul could have chuckled, hearing those words from a five-year-old. But she was right.

“You know how Hugh went through something really bad and scary and now he goes and talks to someone about it?” Tilly nodded, remembering. “Well Dr Pollard suggested, and I thought, maybe you’d like to do that?” Tilly sat silently. “Nothing is going to happen unless you want to, but I want to let you know that the option is there.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course.”

“May I be excused?” Paul nodded, and she pushed herself out of her chair, going to her room, closing the door with a soft ‘click.’ Hugh returned from his session shortly after Tilly had gone into her room and Paul filled him in on what had happened.

“That’s awful, how is she now?”

“Coping. I was actually only able to help her because of you. The way you taught me to help you through panic attacks after your time in the Network. I recognised the signs and did what you taught me. Dr Pollard recommended she see a counsellor to talk about everything, she didn’t seem thrilled about the idea. I was wondering if you’d talk to her about things you do with your counsellor? See if you can convince her to give it a try.”

“Absolutely,” Hugh agreed, “I’ll give it my best shot anyway, is she in her room still?” Paul nodded. Hugh stood and pecked his husband on the lips. He knocked on the door and waited to hear Tilly’s faint ‘come in’ before entering.

“Hi,” Tilly said, closing her colouring book. She was laid on her front on her bed, Bowie beside her, watching her colour.

“Hey baby girl, can I sit down?” Tilly nodded, and he perched on the edge of the bed. “Your daddy told me what happened today and what the Dr said.”

“They want me to talk to someone about it.”

“They do.”

“I don’t know if I want to talk about that stuff. It’s scary.”

“That’s what’s so good about going. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. And you can play games, do drawings-”

“I can do that with you and daddy.”

“You’re right, you can. But you can tell a counsellor anything you don’t feel you can talk to us about. Like the scary stuff, or embarrassing stuff and they can help you feel better about them.”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell you what, how about when I have my next session in a couple of days you come and meet my counsellor and you can ask her any questions you have? Sound good?”

Tilly thought about it. If Hugh said this lady was nice, he was probably right, and if she could ask questions she could know better if she wanted to talk to this person. “OK, I’ll do it. When do you next go?”

“Three days, so you have plenty of time to think of questions.” Tilly smiled, got up on her knees and hugged Hugh.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, how about you, me and your dad watch a movie before bed?” He held out his hand and she took it, taking hold of Bowie’s arm with the other. Tilly sat between Paul and Hugh while they watched the latest animated Disney remake of Cinderella. Tilly fell asleep before the end of the movie and Paul carried her through to bed.

“How’d it go?”

“She was unsure, but I told her she can come with me next time I go and ask Lindsay all the questions she wants.”

“Thank you.” Hugh and Paul shared a quiet, affectionate evening together before retiring to bed. Tomorrow they were to be put back on regular shift rotations. Tilly was supposed to be going with Paul; but considering her panic attack he wasn’t so sure she’d go willingly. Hugh said she could hang out in Sick-Bay with her colouring books.

 

Three days later, Hugh and Tilly walked hand in hand after his shift to his counselling session. He’d pre-warned Lindsay about the situation and she had agreed todays session could be used for answering Tilly’s questions. Hugh sat at the back of the room that Lindsay had kit-ed out for the occasion. Lindsay and Tilly really hit it off and Tilly said she would like to see her again. It was decided Tilly would come by every afternoon for an hour until Lindsay had something more she could go on than just the medical notes provided in Tilly’s file.

Their first session Tilly sat cross-legged on the couch, Bowie in her arms. She was nervous, Paul had known that since that morning because she hadn’t stopped biting her lip. “So, Tilly, what would you like to talk about?” Tilly shrugged, “it can be anything you like.” Tilly bit her lip again. “How about we do something fun? What do you like to do that’s fun?”

“I like colouring.”

“We can do that,” Lindsay went to the cupboard and pulled out two drawing pads and some colouring pencils, setting them on the coffee table. Tilly slipped onto the floor and Lindsay sat across from her.

“What should we draw?” Tilly asked.

“How about our families? You draw yours and I’ll draw mine.” Tilly nodded in agreement, “3...2...1... Go,” Tilly picked up a pencil and started drawing. Once they had both finished they shared their drawings and who was in them. Lindsay told her about her sister who had lots of dogs drawn around her because she looked after them. “What about your picture, wow, that’s a big family, can you tell me who everyone is?”

“This is my daddy, this is Hugh, here’s me.”

“What about these other people?”

“That’s my mommy, my step-dad and my step-sister.”

“You remember them from before?”

Tilly nodded and told her: “not a lot, but I know they were there, and I think they were good memories.”

“Why’s that?”

“They don’t hurt my head when I try to remember them.”

They talked about what Tilly could remember about her past. “And what about those two up at the top there?” Lindsay asked.

“That’s Michael and Saru. We aren’t related but they were my friends and daddy said friends can be like family.”

“Your daddy is absolutely right; your close friends can be your family.” At the end of her session Lindsay told Tilly she would see her tomorrow and handed her back to Paul.

“Hey, was that OK?” Paul asked as they walked back to their quarters.

“It was OK, Lindsay is very nice.”

“Did you like talking to her?”

“Yeah. We talked about family. We have a big family.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s in our big family?”

“There’s me, you, Hugh, my mommy, step-dad, step-sister, and Michael and Saru because they’re my friends.” She told him matter-of-factly.

“Hm, we do have a pretty big family, don’t we?” Paul smiled, he’d initially been worried but seeing her leave her session more pleased than when she went in, was a great comfort.

 

Weeks past and there was no indication of Tilly returning to her normal age. She now saw Lindsay twice a week the same as Hugh. Their sessions were focussed and a lot of fun. Tilly enjoyed having someone not involved in her personal life who she could confide in. She understood that if she said anything worrying Lindsay would have to report it, but it was nice to have someone else to talk to.

“I’m starting to worry I’m not gonna be a grown-up again,” she confided in Lindsay.

“Why do you think that is?”

“Well I haven’t turned back yet, no one knows why I’m this way in the first place and I think I’m starting to forget things.” Lindsay met her gaze. Tilly was curled in on herself in a big plush arm-chair, Bowie in her arms.

“What kind of things?” She asked, curious and prepared to take detailed notes. She listened to all Tilly told her, hearing the fear in her voice. “I think we should talk to your daddy about this and maybe see Dr Pollard, maybe she can help us understand what’s happening.” Tilly nodded tearfully. Lindsay spoke to Paul when he arrived, he sat on the edge of Tilly’s chair and she crawled into his lap. “I messaged ahead, Dr Pollard knows to expect you.” She said softly as Paul carried Tilly out of the room.

“Thank you, I’ll be sure to keep you updated,” Paul said as they left. He carried Tilly to Sick-Bay and set her on the bio-bed in a private room.

“Daddy,” she began after a long silence, “I’m scared,” she said quietly.

Paul sat beside her, putting an arm around her he hugged her to his side, “that’s OK sweetie, I’m not going anywhere, whenever you’re afraid you can take my hand and squeeze it until the fear goes away. I’ll never let go,” as he spoke he encased her small hand in his. He pecked her forehead as the door opened and Dr Pollard entered the room, Tilly squeezed his hand and he held it securely.

Dr Pollard began work right away, she set about checking Tilly’s reactions before ordering several scans. Hugh joined them after his shift having been informed of Tilly’s admittance. She made a point of keeping Tilly under as she broke the news to Paul and Hugh. “This isn’t easy to say.” On a screen she pulled up three brain scans. “This first one was Tilly when she first came to Discovery, this was right after the accident, and this is from today.” Paul looked at Hugh, trying to gage his reaction. He looked troubled.

“The physical regression appears to be just the start,” he translated to Paul. “She’s regressing mentally, to match her physical state, it’s why she’s forgetting things.”

“But why?” Paul asked, desperate for an explanation.

“We don’t know,” Dr Pollard said regretfully. “But we’re working to find out, I want to do bloods weekly and scans daily to track any changes in Tilly and maybe move her sessions with Dr Lindsay to every 2 days.” Paul and Hugh agreed with her suggestions, the next part would be the hardest, explaining to Tilly what was happening to her. Tracy had discharged her after completing the tests, allowing them to take her back to their quarters.

Paul laid Tilly on the couch, pushing her hair out of her face. It didn’t take her long to come around, she sat up, letting the blanket fall from her shoulder. Paul put down his book and perched on the edge of the couch, drawing her into a tight hug as he tried not to tear up. “Did the Dr say what was wrong with me?” Tilly asked with wide, hopeful eyes.

“She did,” Paul began, swallowing the lump in his throat he began explaining what Dr Pollard and Hugh had explained to him. “So, you know how you got small, and look like you’re five?” Tilly nodded, “now it looks like your brain is changing to match. Which is why you’re forgetting things from before, it’s trying to sync up with your current version of life, here on Discovery with us.”

“So, I’m going to forget lots more?”

“It’s possible, however, Dr Pollard has assured me that they are doing everything they can. She wants you to go everyday for brain scans and every week for tests, she also wants to move your sessions with Lindsay to every two days.” Tilly sighed, stood and headed to her room. Once there she sat back against the headboard, pulling her knees to her chest.

Back on the couch, Hugh sat beside Paul, pulling him into a hug. It broke both of their hearts to see Tilly go through something like this, knowing they were both powerless to stop it.

When Hugh went to get her for dinner that evening Tilly was in her pjs, sat at her desk, writing with pencils. “What’re you writing?”

“I’m trying to write down important things I don’t want to forget,” she told him, finishing her sentence.

“We were going to order dinner. Any preference?”

“I’m not really hungry,” she told him, returning to her writing, though her stomach chose that moment to protest with a loud growl. Tilly sighed and put down her pencil. “I don’t really feel like eating,” she told him honestly, turning in her chair.

“That’s understandable but you do need to eat something,” he reminded her. She looked at her feet and he put a hand on her shoulder, “I’ll bring you something easy, you eat what you feel you can,” he said, smiling. Tilly nodded, and he left the room, explaining to Paul. Hugh returned soon after with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with fruit on the side for her. Tilly absently ate the fruit and nibbled at the sandwich before falling asleep on her desk. Every time she thought she’d gotten everything down she remembered something else. It was a never-ending task and memories were still fading.

During her sessions with Lindsay she began illustrating things from her memories. The really important bits; and using her personal effects they started making a scrap-book for her to look through. She returned daily to Sick-Bay for her scans and tests, every day her condition looked to be worsening, but while she slept her brain adapted her memories to her life. She was likely to have few memories of her mother; but would remember Paul. This saddened him, because not only did they not have a way to contact or know if Siobhan was OK, there was no telling if she had perished in the war. It saddened him to think Tilly was going through this without her mother. He was just happy he could be here for her in Siobhan’s absence.

 

One day, Dr Pollard asked him for a word. “I think the process is coming to an end, her scans are coherent with other children that age.” She told him. “Her last memories will be going shortly.”

“And when she wakes up one morning? With no memory?”

“Her brain is adapting her memories to her situation. For her, it will be like she was always part of life on Discovery.”

“Is there anything we can do?” He asked, referring to Hugh and himself.

“Just make her comfortable, try and make the transition easy, this is new territory for all of us. She won’t find it painful, just like every day, she’ll go to sleep and wake up thinking she’s always been like this,” Tracy explained. “When it does happen, bring her in again, just to be sure.”

Paul had noticed small changes in Tilly’s behaviour lately, she was more child-like, playful and seemed less aware of Discovery’s mission. She’d started calling him ‘daddy’ more instead of ‘dad’. It surprised him at first, but he went with it, not wanting to upset her or draw attention to it. The moments where she was the Tilly they knew were now few and far between. “Do you have any indication of how long?”

“I’d give it a week at most, I’m sorry Paul,” Tracy told him.

Paul sighed, it wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t anyone’s. “Thank you, Tracy.”

“You don’t have to bring her back, until after it happens. It’s not harming her, and it might make the transition smoother.” Paul nodded and carried a sleeping Tilly back to their quarters. Tracy always scheduled the scans for the end of their wake cycle, so he or Hugh were often seen carrying her home in an evening.

He set her in her room and woke her to change into her pjs. Tucking her in Paul joined Hugh to brush his teeth in their bathroom. “Tracy told me what she told you,” Hugh told him, drying his face after splashing himself with water. “Captain sent a message, unless there’s an emergency we can have some time off to be with her through this.” He explained to Paul who nodded, understanding.

Paul felt himself being shaken awake part way through the sleep-cycle. He opened his eyes to see Tilly, tears in her eyes, “bad dream?” She nodded, and he lifted the covers for her to climb under, stroking her hair to sooth her. Once she was sound asleep again he put her back in her own bed, in case she woke up in her own mind and freaked out, which had happened once before.

 

Tilly woke the next morning and stretched. She recognised instantly she was in her own mind. She chose her clothes quickly; she and her 5-year-old self didn’t have the same tastes in clothes. After dressing she went to get her breakfast from the replicator. The door to Hugh and Paul’s room opened and Hugh left, ordering his own breakfast and sitting with her. “Morning,” she said, eating her oatmeal.

“Morning, how’re you feeling?”

“Myself, not sure how long it’ll last though,” she said sadly. “What did Dr Pollard say after my scans yesterday?”

Hugh sighed, calling upon his years as a medical professional he prepared to give her the bad news. “It’s not the best news.”

“How soon?”

“A week at best.” Tilly closed her eyes and looked down. “I’m sorry Tilly.”

“It’s alright, there’s nothing that can be done. I understand.” Tilly felt a pinch in the back of her head, “oh here it comes,” scrunching her eyes together she sucked in a tight breath through her teeth. Opening her eyes, she looked around, her eyes wide and curious, 5-years-old again. “Morning Hugh,” she said cheerily.

“Good morning sweetheart,” he replied. “Bad dream again last night?” She nodded and told him it had been about when May had taken her into the Network.

“Do you still get bad dreams?”

“Sometimes,” he told her, “but I’m lucky, because like you, your daddy makes me not afraid anymore,” Hugh explained smiling at Tilly.

 

Paul joined them shortly for his own breakfast. Afterwards they discussed the next few days and that they were going to spend some time together. They spent the day together, watching movies and exploring the ship. Michael arrived at their quarters that evening with a flash-drive. “It’s something for Tilly, from some of her friends,” Michael explained to Paul, “for when she’s feeling more herself.”

“Thank you, Michael, we’ll show it to her as soon as we can… Tracy doesn’t think there’s much time left,” he told her.

 

Three evenings later, Tilly’s mind snapped back to herself during dinner. Paul remembered the flash-drive and gave it to her, he figured as it was from her friends she should be able to view and enjoy it in private. Returning to her room after dinner she put the flash-drive into her PADD and watched the recording. Michael was on the screen.

 _“Tilly, what follows is a recording from your friends on the Star Ship Discovery.”_ What followed was a montage of videos and photographs with her friends, talking about how they were going to miss her and what she meant to them. There were videos from shore-leave, photos from the time they spent on Earth after the War and personal messages. Tears streaked Tilly’s cheeks as Michael appeared on screen for the closing lines. _“I can’t believe this is happening Tilly, I would give anything to change the course life has chosen for you. You’re maybe my best friend on this ship, you believed in me and were willing to give me a chance even though I was considered a criminal. Hopefully some day we can recover your lost memories, until that day I’ll always consider you my friend. Goodbye Tilly, we love you.”_ Michael’s image faded from the screen, Tilly blinked back more tears. Seeing the time on the clock she changed for bed, laid down with Bowie and re-watched the video until she could no longer keep her eyes open.

What followed was Tilly’s final day in her own mind. She suspected as much since she woke up herself and although she continually prepared to revert, she never did. She had a session with Lindsay, discussing the video from Michael and her friends and took the time to find and thank her old roommate.

That evening she spoke to Paul and Hugh. “I think it’s almost my time. I’ve not reverted all day, but I think it’ll happen tonight, while I sleep.” She explained.

“Is there anything we can do?” Paul asked. They were sat together, Tilly across from him and Hugh on the couches.

“Just know I love you guys and thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” Hugh stood and moved to sit beside her.

“Sweetie, we love you too,” as Hugh spoke, Paul moved to her other side and they cocooned her in a hug. “And we always will.”

“W-would you please sit with me while I fall asleep?” Tilly asked, timidly.

“Of course.”

 

Tilly laid awake, too afraid to close her eyes and lose everything. Paul and Hugh were sat on the floor to make them at her eye-level. She tightly grasped Paul’s hand while Hugh stroked her hair. Paul looked at the fear in his daughter’s eyes and smiled as an idea came upon him. Softly he began to sing to her.  
_“_ _This is Ground Control to Major Tom_  
You've really made the grade  
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear  
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare.”

Hugh sang the next verse, just as soft and melodically:  
_“This is Major Tom to Ground Control_  
I'm stepping through the door  
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way  
And the stars look very different today.”

They both sang the next verse.  
_“For here_  
Am I sitting in a tin can  
Far above the world  
Planet Earth is blue  
And there's nothing I can do.” Paul squeezed Hugh’s hand gently and took the next verse.

 _“Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles_  
I'm feeling very still  
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go  
Tell my daughter I love her very much.”

“ _She knows_ ” Tilly sang through a yawn, her eyes already closed as she drifted off. Paul and Hugh waited until her breathing evened out before standing and pressing kisses to her temple. A tear fell over Paul’s cheek as they stepped out and the door to her room closed behind them. Hugh enveloped him in a tight hug. They remained hugging for a long while before retreating to their own bed, but not before checking in on Tilly, one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing this it was not going to have a sad ending and was intentioned as a happy fic where Paul has to deal with a hyper 5-year-old version on his daughter. 
> 
> I have written and will be posting a follow-up to this, very shortly, with a much happier tone. 
> 
> This story kicks off a series of oneshots Raising Tilly. If you have any prompts for situations you would like to see these characters subjected to please let me know those and what you thought of this story down below :)


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